yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
