Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
