i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
