I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
