I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
