i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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