Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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