I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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