I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
