My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
