Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Will exercising make me less horny?
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