im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
