If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need water and some morals
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
