Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
