so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
