I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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