His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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