stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
