im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
