In the future we'll all be gay
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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