I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
