I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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