Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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