So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
