so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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