Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
