I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think pants incapable of making pants work
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
