guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
