Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
