Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
