Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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