yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
