wanna go halves on a baby?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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