i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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