It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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