Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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