Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
