what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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