I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
