Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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