in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's blow job season.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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