Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
