theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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