so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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