You're my little dorito
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
