Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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