I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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