I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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