You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
