Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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