I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
