is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
