Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
