you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
