i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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