If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
