its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize