i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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