Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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