no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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